so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize