4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
