Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
