I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
