wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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