The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
