Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
