My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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