Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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