So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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