he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
