you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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