Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
