PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
