Me too!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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