God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
