The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
