I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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