I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize