in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's no shave November. This is our time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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