I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
