I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
