remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
