we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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