I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
