Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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