Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
