i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
