i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
