everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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