tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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