i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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