I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
