We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
