I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I need water and some morals
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
