We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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