just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
