somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
