did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so let's talk penis.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
