Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize