I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Those nachos came to me in a dream
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
