worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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