he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize