I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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