i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
