Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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