I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
