What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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