I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The Olympian is in my bed
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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