I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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