she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
