I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
