I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
