We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dear god my vagina.
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