my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
