So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
