my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
