Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
