Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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