Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
