The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this beer tastes like vomit already
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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